And So It Goes
by moonshoesangel
Summary: Destiel drabble. What happens when you lose everything? What happens when you let down the one person who would never do the same?


**Shortest one shot I've done but this song is one of my favorites and I always think of Destiel when I hear it. Enjoy.**

 **Songfic- And So It Goes- Billy Joel Destiel Angst. What happens when the one you love-dedicate your heart and soul to-lets you down?**

* * *

 _In every heart there is a room_  
 _A sanctuary safe and strong_  
 _To heal the wounds from lovers past_  
 _Until a new one comes along_

Dean leaned back against his door, anger burning in his throat. It tasted like tears, but he wouldn't let them fall. He wasn't angry at anyone but himself.

How could he? How could he do that to him? To cheat is one thing but to tell him he never wanted what they had? Where did that come from? He slammed his head back against the hardwood and let out an angry growl, fists clenched tight ready to strike something. He couldn't punch himself in the face so the wall would have to do.

 _I spoke to you in cautious tones_  
 _You answered me with no pretense_  
 _And still I feel I said too much_  
 _My silence is my self defense_

 _And every time I've held a rose It seems_  
 _I only felt the thorns_  
 _And so it goes, and so it goes_  
 _And so will you soon I suppose_

Castiel hated this feeling. It was new and ugly- disgust.

He haphazardly parked his car in front of his hotel room, stormed inside and slammed the door, feeling like he was about to explode. Human emotion was new and he had always said even the bad was beautiful, but this was so bad he thought he was dying. He felt himself choke on his own air as tears began to fall. Dean was his everything and now it seemed everything was what he lost. He slid his hands through his black hair and eyed the glass sitting on the table.

 _But if my silence made you leave_  
 _Then that would be my worst mistake_  
 _So I will share this room with you_  
 _And you can have this heart to break_

 _And this is why my eyes are closed  
It s just as well for all I've seen  
And so it goes, and so it goes  
And you re the only one who knows_

Dean eyed his handiwork- a large, blood-stained hole in the wall that had brought him momentary release from the pain on the inside. Worn out, he leaned his head against the forearm he had slung against the wall and, finally, he wept. Six months of the best time of his life was destroyed because he was selfish and cold. He wanted nothing more than to be in Castiel's arms at that moment, holding him and begging him for forgiveness and telling him he was all he wanted- all he needed. He reached into his pocket with his bloody hand and fished out his keys. He had to fix this.

 _So I would choose to be with you  
That s if the choice were mine to make  
But you can make decisions too  
And you can have this heart to break_

Castiel's chest heaved as he let his legs give out beneath him, sliding down the wall and studying the destruction of the room- the shattered photo frames on the walls, the upturned table, the sheets ripped from the bed. None of it mattered or helped him in any way. He still felt like ripping out his own heart and throwing it away. Why, Castiel silently prayed. He was never a prayer and saw no reason to start, but someone had to be listening. Why would he hurt me like this? Why would he tell me he loved me then say it was all a lie?

The familiar sound of the grumbling motor of the Impala filtered through the walls- the headlights shined through the window, casting a disturbing glow over the destroyed room. Castiel tried to steel himself, saying he wouldn't answer the door, but the broken sound of Dean s voice calling his name hurt almost as bad as the sound of it coldly saying It meant nothing .

Moments passed. Castiel listened to the apologies and the emotion and the professions of love. He stood on shaking legs, walked to the door, and opened it. Dean looked worse than he felt. He should, he thought.

Dean hit his knees and wrapped his arms around Castiel's thin waist right there in the door, gripping him tightly and sobbing into his hip.

"I'm so sorry," He choked.

Castiel took a deep breath and let out a shuddered sigh. "Never again, Dean."

"Never again," Dean repeated and looked up into his eyes, both sets bloodshot and tired. "Never again."

Castiel gripped Dean s collar and gently tugged, a silent invitation to stay. Dean wrapped his arms around Castiel's back as Castiel kicked the door shut behind him.

 _And so it goes, and so it goes_  
 _And you re the only one who knows_


End file.
